Commitment: How men and women approach the topic from modinca_admin's blog

By Bianca Veloso

I had an opportunity to discuss this topic in the group coaching session I lead weekly. It was revealing to the group how women approach commitment is linked to unsuccessful relationships they had in the past. One piece of good news before you dive in, if you are a woman? You were not aware of it. If you are a man, keep reading because there are nuggets of good info for you here as well. 


We women often go for chemistry, attraction and a really good projection for what the man can be. We are so fixated on wanting the relationship that we let these requirements fog our vision and boom! All of a sudden, we wake up having a boyfriend and find ourselves in a relationship with a non-compatible partner. And we are all guilty of staying in the relationship and trying to change him. We want to make it work, we often want to change the man we are with when he is not a good fit! We go for the strong attraction and commitment first, compatibility later. Where for guys, is a different story. 


Guys go for compatibility first, commitment later. Quality guys that is. A man wants to make sure that all the moments he spends with his lady is great, and he wants to see how the lady navigates through different facets of his life such as friendships, his family and day to day activities to see if there is compatibility before commitment. Why is that, you might ask?

Well, commitment represents a lot of responsibility and obligation for a man. If he wants to take on the commitment, live in his masculinity and be the leader in providing, taking care of, and protecting his woman, he wants to make sure that there is a lot of compatibility first so when he is in, he doesn’t have to change the woman he chose to be with. When we women choose attraction and commitment first versus compatibility, we often start nagging, telling them what to do, and have a desire to change the man we are in a relationship with, when compatibility is not present.

Especially with a quality man, he will take it slow, rather than jumping into a relationship based on impulse. He wants to see if there is compatibility on all different moments spent together before going all in and choosing you as his lady. If the relationship becomes only about the obligation for him to provide, it will weigh down on passion. An alpha male, who lives in his masculine energy, wants to feel his woman in her feminine energy, which is care-free, deep emotional connection, fun and lightness. He will miss that space in which his masculine energy feeds from the feminine energy at his soul level, that makes him want to take on that obligation to provide and protect. That is why I built an online program to go deeper into masculine and feminine energy, and what polarity has to do with passion. A man will also take into consideration if the values between him and his lady are aligned, and when he feels secure in his decision, he will commit.

Women often pressure a man into commitment before he goes into his masculine process on his own, which makes him either go into his cave or run for the hills. With a quality man, you want your feminine energy be present, to let him drive this decision, to arrive at it with certainty that when he chooses, he will be all in. This is crucial ladies! 

Where is YOUR POWER as a feminine woman? Go for compatibility first, and choose if he is the right one for you. Don’t jump to conclusions too fast, especially if you have known him for just a few months and already think he is the one. On very rare occasions, that spark happens and there is compatibility from the get-go. Often, we fall for the projection we make in our heads because we want the relationship badly, until the day we wake up in a relationship with someone that is not a good fit. Play along by connecting with your feminine energy, and it will be revealed to you if the man you chose to date is compatible. Save yourself from the frustrations that come from trying to force a relationship to fit. 

To sum up: Date for alignment, not for impulse. 


Bianca Veloso is the founder of Brave Hearts Coaching and a Passionate Relationship Strategist who also holds an Executive MBA with emphasis in Leadership and Innovation. She practices NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and NAC (Neuro Associative Conditioning) to help her clients master emotional intelligence and experience lasting changes.

Her website is

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By modinca_admin
Added Oct 9 '17, 07:39PM


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